The Dragon's Keep

sad times

Three years ago this past May, my grandparents, Mom's parents, got in a car wreck on their way home from a trip. My grandma was driving their truck, trying to pass a huge semi, when the semi started to come into their lane without checking its blind spots. At least, that’s what we’ve decided must have happened. Either way, she screeched on the brakes and swerved off the road, and their truck tumbled down a 20-foot embankment before coming to a stop miraculously on its wheels. Grandma was really shaken up and ended up with a few bruised ribs, but Grandpa’s side had completely caved in on him, leaving him pretty messed up. Long story short, he ended up in a care center shortly thereafter and remained unable to walk and barely able to talk until yesterday morning, when he passed away.

A couple weeks ago, the nurses started noticing that he was turning yellow, which means problems with the liver, and there was nothing they could do. So we’ve known for awhile that he was going to leave us, but it doesn’t make it any easier. No words can fully describe how I feel right now. Of course, there are the obvious ones: sad, and yet happy at the same time, because he’s gone but he’s happy now and we’ll see him again and all that. Bu mainly I guess I feel horribly guilty. I was within driving distance the whole time I was up at school in Idaho, and I even had two guys in my ward from Vernal, UT, which is where he and most of my mom’s side lives, and I didn’t make enough of an effort to go see him at all; not once. And partially angry as well, because my mom rented a car and drove up there for a week to spend some time with him, and my dad flat-out would not let me go because I needed to “stay and work, because working and earning money is more important than seeing him in his condition, and he would rather you remember all the good things and blah blah blah…” The funeral is this weekend, and he’s trying to convince me not to go to that, either, for the same reasons. Lame.

There’s also my other complicated situation I could go in to, but since those involved sometimes read my blog, I’ll just leave it at that. I’m just feeling really cranky and lonely. While I respect and will honor your desire to have some alone time, my friend, I will miss your company in the meantime and I wish I knew what it was you have to ponder.

posted by Erin Duncan @ 11:51 PM