The Dragon's Keep

rough waters

I apologize for the long span between updates. I've tried and failed several times to put to words just exactly what's been going on in such a way as to do justice to the young man who is no longer here with us on Earth. Most people know by now that basically, I'm no longer at school in Rexburg and that it's because I recently lost a very dear friend. As I said, nothing I say can ever truly do him justice, but I'll give it a try for the sake of moving onward and upward.

Jeff Fagan, one of my best and truest friends, took his own life on February 22nd, 2008. He was 22 years old, and had SO much ahead of him. If he had given himself time to think about that, as well as how many people love him and looked to him for so many reasons, I know that he would have chosen differently. Unfortunately, he did not give himself the chance to think, he just acted, and we'll never truly know why. He wasn't depressed, or he hid it well, because not even our friends that were living with him saw it coming. He was always so happy, and never really got angry, and he empathized with everyone he met. Maybe that was part of what led him to do it; he carried his loved ones' burdens as well as his own. He had such a big, tender heart and he was always so generous and willing to help people.

He could build anything out of Legos or K'nex without instructions, as well as anything from his head, without photo references. He built a working, moving, miniature 'Mech from cardboard and such. He molded swords, both standard and imaginative, from balsa wood for himself and for his friends. He made one for my 16th birthday, and I will cherish it forever. He could tear down, modify, and rebuild anything, mostly his cars. He got his Ford Probe during our Junior Year of high school, and by the time it got totaled a couple of years ago, he could fix ANYTHING on not only that car, but anyone else's. He had just barely finished turboing the Probe, and it was AMAZING, let me tell you, and it was really sad when the guy ran a red light and t-boned it before Jeff could even take it to the track once to see what it could do. Luckily, he got a deal on an already TWIN-turboed Mitsubishi 3000GT VR4. It was already pretty amazing to begin with, but there's ALWAYS something to be done, and he got to work on it almost immediately. He even modified the computer chip to be able to control certain aspects with his laptop computer just for performance situations. I went with him and a few other friends to the track with the VR4, and despite his rather slow reaction time and not having much racing experience, his best time was 12.89 seconds. If only he had given himself the chance to go back this summer and practice...I mean DANG he had so much potential, and there's just too much to be said about how awesome he was, I could go on forever. *sigh*

And yet, I know where he is, and I know that he knows so much now where he is. I take comfort in being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and having the perspective and knowledge that I have. I don't know what I would do if I didn't know that I will see him again. He means so much to me, and I loved him, no *LOVE* him dearly. I always had a thing for him, and while I got over it for the most part, I don't think I ever stopped caring about him in that way, to be completely honest. Call me crazy, but there's bound to be some single lady in Heaven who he will finally find happiness with. I hope that with all my heart, because he deserves that kind of happiness.

The good times were aplenty with him around, and we, his family and friends, will always...ALWAYS treasure those times and memories. He will be sorely missed, and I will always get choked up thinking about him, but he will never be forgotten. Maybe it's cliche and cheesy, but you've heard what they say about legends.

They never die.

posted by Erin Duncan @ 11:03 PM