The Dragon's Keep

Yes, I *do* still have a blog and yes, I *do* still update it...sometimes...

This is purely for those of you (and you know who you are) who keep reminding me that it's been awhile since I blogged. :P

MLIA. It stands for "My Life Is Average." It's often used in place of a more, shall we say, *explicit* acronym. It can have one of at least two connotations: 1)The user is basically saying "screw it, my life sucks" (without actually using the explicit acronym) or 2)The user is demonstrating how less-than-normal or less-than-ideal circumstances are completely within their personal norm. What does this have to do with today's update? We'll get back to that.

This past year has been a bit crazy. Okay, more than a bit. Back in January, I had a nasty bout of cellulitis in my leg, but on the bright side, it could have been MRSA, which would have been much, much worse. Plus, I didn't beat around the bush about getting it taken care of so it didn't have a chance to become a big open sore like it could have. A friend of mine contracted cellulitis on his arm a few months later and...well...let's just say he didn't get it taken care of as quickly and it was pretty nasty.

I didn't do terribly well in school, but I didn't do terribly badly either. After much course correction, a couple of customized clusters, and plenty of panic, I finally pulled it all together at the last minute to apply for and successfully earn my Bachelor of Science degree in Art at BYU-Idaho in April. A week later, as a graduation present to myself, the highlight of this past year was a trip to Oakland with my two best friends to see my absolute FAVORITE band, MUSE, live in concert! I still look back and get an emotional high thinking about how amazing that show was and how much fun I had sharing it with my absolute best friends. Mind you, we had TERRIBLE seats and it was STILL the BEST concert I have ever been to and probably ever will. Except, of course, for any future MUSE concert dates that may be in my future. :D

Then, despite some worrying naysay and the extremely frustrating actions of a coworker at the summer job I've worked for three summers now (but only two at the time), I got that job back and started just a few days after the concert. I was warned (very untactfully by the coworker previously mentioned) that it would still only be for as long as the summer help was needed because my dad works there, and we can't have any nepotism, don't you know. Nevermind that *I* worked there first, THEN my dad got hired, and they rehired me because of my previous experience, NOT because of my dad working there. While I'm going there: nep·o·tism [nep-uh-tiz-uhm] –noun: patronage bestowed or favoritism shown on the basis of family relationship, as in business and politics. I repeat: my being rehired was based on PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE. You can tell I'm still very miffed about the whole situation. Anyway, I did get to work for the summer, and the point is that I should have been looking for a different job the whole time, knowing it was going to end, and knowing my student loans were quickly approaching their time of becoming due. (That's a completely different rant for another time. Suffice it to say I am VERY grateful for parents who are willing to let me live with them for as long as necessary, and even MORE grateful that the loan companies have things such as deferment due to unemployment.)

As amazingly wonderful as it is to be done with school, BYU-I is still a work in progress; therefore, I didn't get as much education as I really really needed to be able to find a job in my field right away. It doesn't help that when I started college, the graphic design business was booming. A short 6 years and MANY political and economical mistakes later (I won't name names because that will start big arguments and let's face it...NONE of our most recent political leaders have made very good decisions as of late...) art of ALL kinds is suffering. Sad as it is, art isn't exactly at the top of the "MUST HAVE" list of a nation in economical turmoil and hardship. I am greatly saddened to see my peers in the art world having to settle for significantly less than they are worth, for that is the great compromise. The middle ground between what you're worth and what people can afford is truly frightening.

I thought I had plenty of time to find something in my field. Heck, I thought I had plenty of time to find anything else, too. Two months of unemployment tells me a different story. I have no one to blame but myself, because I really haven't been trying very hard. I have a plethora of excuses but the bottom line is that even after making at least a bit of significant effort in the past two months, the job market flat out sucks. You can bet that the jobs you're applying for are being applied to by HUNDREDS of other people. Even someone like me, with nothing but the best to offer and plenty of past experience and references to prove it, can't seem to fight my way to the top, even WITH previous experience! I can't tell you how many people I know who are working a job they absolutely despise because it's a job and they are very scarce, and that's why I applied to a job I absolutely hate but have worked before and am at least very good at, if nothing else. Yet that was weeks ago and I doubt I'll get hired by them any time soon, despite my previous experience and their willingness and desire to hire me. The fact is there are literally hundreds in line ahead of me.

I'm aware I tooted my own horn a bit up there, but it wasn't just for the sake of being a braggart. It's simply a demonstration of MLIA in action. EVERYONE is brilliant and EVERYONE is fighting for the same opportunity to prove it. My life is average; no worse or better than anyone else out there who is struggling frustratedly to find that niche where they can live both comfortably and happily. I hope that time is coming for me, and SOON.

In the meantime, I'm determined to try harder and give it my all, and I pray that God will make up the difference. He doesn't try us harder than we can endure, but He definitely pushes us right to the very edge of what we can endure sometimes. I'm not gonna lie; I'm so very stressed and right on the brink of a nervous breakdown constantly these days. Just ask my family how often I just snap for pretty much no reason, to my shame later. I'm lazy, whiny, and selfish, and it's hard to overcome those vices.

Maybe that's the lesson He's been trying to teach me. There's been too much "I, I, I, me, me, me..." and not enough consideration to the fact that MLIA. I am *not* alone in what I'm dealing with, and it's time to suck it up and move forward.

posted by Erin Duncan @ 11:12 PM