in a rut
Meh. I really shouldn't be getting restless this shortly into the semester, but I am. Maybe it's the fact that I'm only taking one *new* class, and retaking the other four due to, let's face it, my stupidity for letting myself give up last winter. Granted, I had some pretty good excuses for being depressed (both my mom's parents passed away among other things), but in the end, I really have just downright lost the persistence to get straight A's that I used to have up until sophomore year of college. It's my own fault for refusing to push myself hard enough, but it's also the fact that I am SO ready to be done with school even though by all rights I'm not even close to good enough.Did I pick the right major? I look at my work, all of it, and try to be as objective as possible, but when you put my best work up against some of the worst of my peers' work, I totally suck, and that's a fact. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others because my work is still very good no matter what, but I have yet to find *my* style, and until I do, it's so hard not to compare to everyone else who has! Maybe I should have just ignored my parents and done what *I* wanted to do in the first place: work on cars. Maybe that sounds lame, but seriously, I wouldn't be nearly in debt as I am if I'd gone to a tech school, and believe it or not, I'd be happy, too! Call me crazy, but working on cars or even just as a lobby receptionist at a shop or SOMETHING like that would totally get me by. And if not, State Farm in Bakersfield would take me on, as all of the people I've worked with there have said. They're proud of me for getting my education, but when it comes down to it, I could be making very good money there in the mailroom or as a receptionist and I'd be fine!
Forgive my babble, but there's a lot going on in my head right now and I can't seem to find my niche in life. Music, computers, art, cars; I want to do it all, but realistically I have GOT to find my place, and I can't decide if I've made the right decisions or not! Am I doomed to go to college for 10 years and then spend the rest of my life paying off the debt because I'm not good enough at what I've chosen to make a good living? And yes, I'm going to say it, will I ever find that special guy who can take care of me and bring each other happiness in this life and the one to come?
posted by Erin Duncan @ 8:16 PM
0 comments
